Anxiety of becoming a mom

Last night was a rough one. I haven't been feeling our baby move and definitely her movements have not been distinguishable as they have been. I thought that because I am further along I should be feeling her more not less... I was getting confused because I wasn't feeling any definite 'kicks' for a few days and then I couldn't tell if the small 'twitches' or 'gurgles' in my stomach was my baby or just my stomach. I reassured myself that everything was ok and went on with my day yesterday and got caught up in the craziness of work and then we had friends over that night. By the time it was time to go to bed I laid down ready to really pay full attention to my baby's movement because in the past that's usually when I've felt her the most.  

But there was nothing. 

Anxiety crept in and I had a hard time falling asleep. David and I said our nightly prayer together and I slowly drifted off to sleep. 
4am rolled around and I was wide awake but with the worst feeling of being scared. I was scared for our baby. I wanted to feel her move SO MUCH! Please give me reassurance. 

Again.. nothing... 

I then had a breakdown and of course my mind raced to the worst possible scenarios. I woke David up. He held me as I cried and gave me a Priesthood blessing of comfort. We decided to schedule an appointment at my doctors office for the morning but that was hours away and I still wasn't feeling our baby move. I've never felt anxiety like that before. I just felt empty, scared and my mind raced a million miles per hour. 
FINALLY 8am came and I immediately called my doctors office and we went in. I love my doctors office, everyone is so nice and helpful. They put the heart rate monitor on my stomach and after what seemed like the longest moment of shifting the monitor, a huge rush of relief came over me as I heard that beautiful sound of my baby's heart beat.They then took me to do a 'Nonstress Test' to monitor our baby's heartbeat at her resting rate and then when she was moving. The results came back great and the nurse got our baby girl to move and I felt it! More relief rushed through me! They told me to do 'Kick Counts' everyday now. My placenta is in front so they explained to me again that can make it hard to feel the baby sometimes but to make sure to do "kick counts." They also reassured me to always follow my 'feelings' and to not hesitate to call or come in if I feel like I should. That gave me comfort. The feeling of now knowing our baby was ok brought more tears to my eyes. I'm so grateful everything is ok and for such a wonderful worthy priesthood holder I get to call my husband.

Being a first time 'mommy-to-be' is in every aspect exciting yet terrifying and you probably freak out a TON more than all these awesome experienced mommas. Everything is so new and you can hear what it's like from others but until you are going through it do you understand. I am bracing myself for delivery and then becoming a mom. GULP. I just want everything to be ok and I want to be the best mom I can be to this precious baby girl. We've got 10 weeks until we meet her (maybe sooner) and this pregnancy has been bringing out the worrywart in me! So if you are experiencing anxiety, know you are not alone!!! 

If I have learned anything throughout my pregnancy it's that it is a MIRACLE! I am still in 'aw' everyday that there is a human growing in my belly! That little human use to be a tiny little bean and is now about 3 lbs and in a couple months will be in our arms. INCREDIBLE!  Yes it can be nerve wracking but I am truly so honored and humbled to know that I am going to be this precious baby's mom.

1 comment

© The Swenson Series
Maira Gall